The Warriors

I am going to real time blog this one I think....we will see how it goes considering I can't type really and I am currently missing my enter key (don't ask... there was an incident with a grape stem).


*** WARNING... this really only works if you are watching the movie too I think. Sorry. ***


First, before we begin a little background. I have never seen this movie and have no idea what to expect. I think it was put on the list (yeah, remember when this blog was going to have a schtick? There was a long list of movies, still on my netflix queue, that went along with that schitck.) under the recommendation of T.M. Goeneveld. This movie, is from 1979 and is about a New York City gang (I am going to go out on a limb and say they are called "The Warriors"). Okay, now on with the show.

Oh man, this version is a special edition...and the direct is talking to me... without being in the special features. This better not go on too long. Apparently this story has connection to comic books and the "Greeks". I can tell already this will be awesome....ly bad.

Ok...still director talking.. too long I say. Too long!

Rated R... does my mother know what I am watching?

401 BC The Battle of Cunaxa ...the Greek army is 1000 miles from everything and they are on a fourced march... how does this get to New York? Ah, apparently both are a story of courage.

The Warriors are badass - the title is in red spray paint.

Something is brewing among the gangs in NYC, they are sending emissaries their word, not mine) to a big gang meeting.

They, The Warriors, in spify leather vest that say "Warriors," are going to the Bronx conclave where every gang in the city will is meeting up. This includes the gang of pimps... and mimes...interesting. Who is afraid of the mime gang? Invisible boxes? It seems, that each gang is limited to 9 guys and no weapons, how civilized.

So far the acting, is astounding. Seriously, after-school special cailber.

So, they are going to see Cyrus, he is the President of the biggest gang in the city. President really? Was he elected to this office? Is that how gangs work? Hmmm. The liberal media would have us believe it has something to do with "crime," I shall inform them of their mistake.

There are many "gangs" at the ... place... I think it is supposed to be the Colesium.

Cyrus looks and sounds a bit like The Rock. Apparently, there is city-wide gang truce. "Miracles is the way things ought to be." Yup he said that. He does some math and calculates that there are 60,000 gang member and only 20,000 police officer. Can you dig it?

Oh... he wants to unionize. Can you dig it? Sorry, I mean he wants to be a Crime Syndicate.

Damn "the man," turning the gangs against each other, fighting for turf.

Doh here come the Coppers.

Nice misdirection, some one, not the cops, just shot Cyrus. Guess the truce is shot. Heh, pardon the pun.

General chaos ensues. One of the Warroirs see who shot Cyrus. The guy who actually shot Cyrus blames Greek Hat Warrior. GHW is now getting the beat down I expected. All of his Warrior buddies have deserted him. Nice brotherhood man.

How big is New York City? Because wherever they are they say it is 50-100 miles from where Coney Island.

Now The Warriors are fighting over who will be their new leader. I guess GHW was the old leader.

Ack, this movie is cut with cartoon parts.

Now we are introduced to the "Riffs" I will be calling them Cobra Kai. For some reason, The Warriors have stepped on CobraK's toes, and they want them "wasted." The Riffs are from Gramarcy.

And there is a basball gang. A baseball gang that wears clown make-up. I am shaking in my boots.

How long is this movie? Can I be done?

So, you know that word, Isaiah Washington is in trouble for saying? They keep using it in the movie. Awesome.

And there is a school bus gang... now they will be called Short Bus (SB) One of the Warriors calls them skinheads. Now, I have a question, can you be African-american and still be a skinhead? I didn't think those two things mixed.

The Warriors, trying to get back to the 'tro, I'm sorry, the subway, are being chased by the SB while trying to make their train. This is completely unrealistic, that train waited way too long in the station. That's it, my suspension of disbelief is shattered.

They are celebrating ditching the SB...maybe too early.

dun, Dun, DUN.

Oh man. I totally called it (ok, maybe one of the Warriors told them not to celebrate too early), there is a fire on the track.

CobraK's aren't out for Warrior blood, they just want them for shooting Cyrus I guess?

There is a caste system in gangs. The Orphans aren't even on the map they weren't invited to the big meeting, but The Warriors have to cross through their turf. For some reason, the Little Annies are willing to let the Warriors pass through with no trouble.

Or, almost no trouble.

Annie (heh), a GIRL, is part of the Orphans, and she wants a Warrior vest. Now The orphans want them to take off their "colors" and pass through as civilians. Nice nips BTW Annie.

Annie taunts them as they leave. I don't know Annie, I think this might be a case of "writing check your body can't cash." Strangely, she follows them as they leave.

See dumbie. They knew you were following and hid. But, apparently, she is looking for some real action. And now the rest of the Orpahns show up (shocker.. not that kind). It is 30 vs. 8 and yet with one molatov cocktail I don't know where they got it, the Warriors get away and serendipitiously there is a train waiting at the next station. Annie, still in tow. If this were a different kind of movie, I would say there was a gang bang (doh, I did it again) in her future.

HERMAN... one of the Warriors is named Herman?!

The train stays in station and the Warriors get worried. Oops, the cops are after them. They, of course, get away.

The Baseball gang is back,. Yeah, I would run from them too. For being a baseball gang, they run really slowly, but they do have bats...

...Which are apparently useless against a Warrior.

This movie is 1 hour and 33 minutes long. I believe, by my calculations, that makes it 1 hour and 30 minutes too long.

We are about 50 minutes through at this point.

Has anyone seen the Beauty Shop? Well in that they use a DJ and you only see her lips. They are doing that in this movie too, but as a way of keeping score. It is not good, in either movie really.

4 of the Warriors have made it to Union Station, where they decided to go, for some reason instead of Coney Island. There are girls at Union Station. In other news, my neighbors are playing music really loudly... which means they should have no hearing left soon if I can hear it and understand the words.

4 Warriors are still left out on the streets. And then there were three, when pretty boy warrior decides to sit down and scam on a hooker (I think). But, one of those classy ones. Two of the three who left PB go back to watch his back.

I was wrong. It wasn't a hooker, it was a cop. PB got a little rough with her and she cuffed him to the bench. Whose name we find out late in Ajax.

I am eating microwave NutriSystem cake now... it is weird.

Annie returns.. I didn't even know she was lost. Maybe that happened when I was mixing cake. Annie and Lone Warrior go to the subway, take out a cop and start down the train tracks.

Checking in with the 4 Musketeers, they are still with the ladies. This totally isn't a trap. The girls are called the Lizzies...I will allow you to draw your own conclusions.

Annie doesn't like to walk, just like Court!

I think Annie has a little Stockholm syndrome. The Warrior she is with is casting aspersions of the whore variety on her character. Which of course means they end up making out.

It is perhaps the worst make out scene I have ever seen. They look like fish making out... there is something wrong with their mouths.

And he dumps her. Shortest. Relationship. Ever. Maybe it was the bad kissing.

The Warriors with chicks finally figure out - ok, fine, not so much "figure-out" as much as they are "jumped by" the chicks. We are down to three in this group, I am not sure what happened to #4. They decide to go back to Union Station... which they are now calling Union Square.

Jerk Warrior is all alone... but being followed by Roller Skate boy. I will assume there is a Roller Skate gang to back him up. Remember this 1979 so these are the big ones with wheels in the corners, not inline... so they are espcially cool.

5 Warriors reunite at Union Square.

Roller Boy also wears overalls. So it isn't from Roller gang, he is with overalls gang. Swan (jerk warrior) is now reunited with Annie, and the 5 Warriors...

...Who all go into the bathroom. So, gangs are like girls huh? Annie has problems following them in there. Excuse me Annie, but I don't think you are really the type of girl that would protest in this situation.

Overall gang follows them in. The Warriors, obviously, kick butt. Annie cheers from the sideline. They all get on a train.

None of the gangs can stop the Warriors. The ConbraKai are mad.

Prom kids get on the train and are oblivious until they look at Annie's shoes? Definitely a case of the haves and the have nots... but I am unsure what else that was for... especially when one of the girls drops her corsage on the way off the train at the next station. I call Annie getting that corsage when they get off.

Morning comes. They are at Stillwell Ave... I guess in Coney Island? Swan gives Annie the dropped corsage. Sweet? ish? Swan decides with one look at Coney Island it wasn't worth traveling back to and he and Annie decide to travel. Yeah, I am confused too, and I am actually watching the movie.

The Rogues are in Coney Island...in the Ghostbuster mobile.

The Warriors know this and prepare their broken bottle.

Guy who shot Cyrus is creepy and likes to click three glass bottles togther. It is REALLY annoying and I would shot him in real life. He is also screeching "Warriors... come out to play-yay." We are back to 6 Warriors somehow BTW plus Annie.

There is going to be a brawl on the beach.

Apparently Crazy Rogue guy who killed Cyrus didn't have a reason for shooting Cyrus. Swan wants to take him on one on one. But, Crazy says he will win because he has a gun. Of course, a knife in the arm ruins his plans and Swan et al. can duck real fast.

The Cobra Kai show up, and they know who really killed Cyrus. Sensai gives props to the Warriors and then take out the Rogues.

And that is the end.


PS- So technically I wrote this while watching the movie on Friday, but I cleaned it up in a half-assed way when I posted it on 01/25/07.