Damn...

A Brain, an Athlete, a Basket case, a Princess, and a Criminal.

Da da da da! My first recap/review! Woo Hoo! Look at me following through with a plan. Man oh man, although I probably shouldn’t get too excited, this is only number one, the real test will be to see if there is a number two. Because, I have to be honest with you, this was a lot more work than I realized. I mean, I have a four-page OUTLINE for this write up…I never even did outlines for college papers and now I am doing one for a blog? This should show you how committed (or that I should be committed) I am to this blog and bringing you all a quality product. I am going to try to do this in 1000 words (per Mr. Vernon’s assignment), but I hear tell that is three pages, which might be overkill. Maybe we will break the post up. I dunno, we will see what happens.

“The Breakfast Club” Written and Directed by John Hughes – released February 15, 1985

First, I would like to start off by pointing out this is the first time I will not be viewing the edited TV version of this movie. So, I am a little nervous in that respect. Will the additional curse words make me think differently of the movie? I hear on the TV version they cut, like, 20 minutes of the movie out but then added scenes that aren’t in the regular version… can I hold on for an additional 20 minutes without commercial interruption? I don’t know, but I will give it a try.

I should also mention that I heart John Hughes. He is totally my movie writer/director boyfriend. You will see his movies pop up a lot in my reviews (his earlier‘80s movies that is, you won’t see no stinkin’ “Beethoven” or any of it’s sequels on this blog). Generally I would attribute my infatuation with him to my love of romantic comedies involving teenagers (see: 16 Candles (mmm… Michael Schoeffling), Pretty in Pink (really ugly dress), Some Kind of Wonderful (Watts!)), which was who I could relate to when I first saw these movies. So, while The Breakfast Club has does not have a romance it does have both teenagers and comedy (and a kick-ass soundtrack). Plus it has Molly Ringwald. Can it be an teen movie from the ‘80s and not have Molly Ringwald? Maybe, but I don’t think I want to have any part of that (this statement may be retracted at a later date). Yikes! I am at 431 words and I haven’t even started talking about the actual movie.

“…And these children that you spit on as they try to change their worlds are immune to your consultations. They’re quite aware of what they’re going through…” David Bowie “Changes”

We break through Mr. Stardust’s lyrics to see a non-descript high school in the non-descript Midwest. We go through a montage of various scenes around the high school (including a picture of Carl the janitor as “Man of the Year.” Which begs the question whatever happened to Carl? But, I digress… I know how unusual). Kids are apparently being dropped off for Saturday detention. They all gather in the library (“I know it’s detention, but…um… I don’t think I belong in here…”) where the dean of students/principle/prick, whatever, Mr. Vernon assigns them a 1000 word essay to write explaining who they think they are. Now, I never had to go to regular detention, much less Saturday detention (shut-up, it’s just how I am, I am NOT a goody two-shoes). Obviously this is not what they will be up to all day. Hijinks will ensue. But on a side note, that is a total bullshit essay topic that could be done in a matter of minutes. It’s not like it has to be good or anything; it’s not being graded. I mean, I’ve been working on this for like an hour and I am already up to 673 words and I am not even to the meat of the subject (damn tangents, it’s just that there is so much good stuff to include).

Coming-up is probably one of the most memorable excahnges between characters in this movies or any movie. John Bender removes the screws to the door separating the students from Mr. Vernon. Vernon over hears the kids yelling at Bender to put the screw back, but when he enters no one rats Bender out. I think this shows the solidarity against the man. While they may not agree with what Bender is doing, nobody’s going to be a tattle-tale either. Not even the geek. But, Bender and Vernon get into it anyway (Eat. My. Shorts. On TV it was “eat my socks”, what is up with that? Even Bart is allowed to say shorts.) and John eventually ends up with Saturday detention for the next two months. The exchange is so good though, not only the “eat my shorts” part but the total feeling of the whole scene. We all know Bender is technically in the wrong here, and even though everyone in the library didn’t want him to take out the screw, nobody wants him to get any more detentions. That explanation is simplifying it. Maybe it is more of, we all know that Bender is a tough guy, but he is being treated unfairly, bullied, by the authority figure and no matter how much Bender is egging Vernon on, no one wants to see someone end up with that kind of punishment much less being treated that poorly by another human being; by an adult who should be more concerned about helping the situation rather than about doling out more punishments. Punishments that, in the end, aren’t really going to help anyone. They are not even going to prove that Vernon is a tougher guy (which he’s not, he’s a bully, a power-hungry asshat, stuck in a job he doesn’t like and is taking it out on kids) it is after all, just detention. Not that Bender doesn’t deserve detention, I’m just sayin’ Vernon is worthless asshole. (D’oh already at 1030, guess I will be the over-achieving, brown-nosed, kiss-ass today.)

Oh! Part of a scene I’ve never seen before. Brian has a thing for Claire (if by thing I mean hard-on, which I do). They never show that on TV, they just show Brian putting the hat in his lap. I don’t think I ever realized until now that was why he did that (me = naïve).

Lunch time – okay normally, this probably wouldn’t be mentioned in any other recap…I mean, “…and then they ate lunch” is about as interesting as reading this, no no, wait…I mean watching paint dry, yeah that’s it. What makes this notable is Allison’s, you know the basket case, sandwich. It bears explanation. First two slices of bread, one wheat, one white. Both are covered with mayo and formerly a slice of pastrami or some other lunch meat. Now, however, she adds sugar from what appear to be proto-pixie sticks (pre-color additives?) and original Cap’n Crunch cereal. This always intrigued me as a child. Actually it still does. However, when I was younger I thought it was disgusting and would never even contemplate eating it, now I kind of want to try it for myself and see if it is as repulsing as it has always looked to me. Who wants to join me? Anybody? No? No, takers? Alright, fine, but you’ll be missing out.

Good Lord, the movie is only 97 minutes long (this is miss printed on the label as 92 minutes, liars), how much longer is this blog entry going to be. I don’t know, but bear with me. If you need to read this in a couple of sittings I will understand. Try reading it without clicking on the links first, that’ll help you get through it quicker. It may take a couple of sittings to write it all out. I can say one thing: This level of effort may not be seen in any other posts. At heart I am a slacker, not a perfectionist. I like taking the easy way out.

After determining that Vernon is out of the office the kids all sneak out to Bender’s locker apparently to get some grass, you know herb, ganja, buddha, mary jane, pottery, herbal refreshment, mari-ju-ana (thank you urban dictionary). Of course, this can’t end up well, and they hear Vernon, unknowingly close on their heals. Thus begins the montage of them all running around the school. Until of course the come up to the one gate in school that is closed (we had these gates in my high school too, but they closed off more logical areas. As in if one was close they all were closed. Not just one to advance the plot. But then again, my life isn't a movie.). Bender, I guess figures he is already screwed and takes on for the team (kind of like when someone eats the coconut and walnuts someone else ordered when attempting to finish a Vermonster… ABI… and no you will never live that down), because let’s face it Bender, not really an altruistic guy. What other reason does he have to do this for the rest of them? He doesn’t really seem very fond of any of them. This is my, I’m already in trouble, I might as well get into more trouble theory. Kind of like me and this post. I’m already this far I might as well keep going. He sticks the dope down Brian’s pants, and goes off to re-direct Vernon.

And for his trouble Bender ends up locked in the closet. Man, can you imagine if this happened today? The lawsuits would be a-flyin’. But this then sets up one of the great movie mysteries. Bender crawls through the ventilation system (?) of the school in an effort to get back to the library. He starts telling himself a joke, I guess to get through the tight space and heat? “A naked woman walks into a bar, poodle under one arm and a 2 foot salami under the other. The bartenders says to the naked lady, so I guess you won’t be needing…” However, the drop-in ceiling tiles are unable to bear his weight and he falls through the ceiling into the library. Many have asked, what is the end of the joke, the answer, there isn’t one. They were trying to come up with a joke to the punch line of “I forgot my pencil” and couldn’t. Therefore, Judd Nelson just adlibbed the above. What a let down. A special prize (perhaps a slightly sacrilegious bit of candy?) to the best punch line to the naked lady set up or the best set up to the pencil punch line.

Another part they don’t show on regular TV. They all go to smoke up. Again, I don’t think I ever realized this occurred. I knew they got the marijuana, I knew Bender got it back from Brian, but I guess I just never assumed they would smoke it up in school. I think I assumed Bender just took it home with him. I have no excuse except to say I was not exposed to this sort of thing until I met Abi junior year of college.

Anyway, everyone but Allison goes to smoke-up. Andy even does a little fish-bowling in the Foreign Language Lab. This of course leads to very bad, white-boy gymno-dancing (Andy),everyone looking through everyone else’s wallets, and of course, the other most famous scene in this movie; everyone is sitting around in a circle talking. We find out that Allison would come to school naked for a million dollars and, eventually, that she is not a nymphomaniac, but is a compulsive liar. Claire, is a virgin. Andy got detention by taping a guys butt cheeks together. Brian can’t make a ceramic elephant into a working lap even though shop was supposed to be his easy “A” course. Allison can write with her toes. Claire can put on lipstick with the tube stuck in her cleavage.

John Hughes did a wonderful job in my opinion in bringing out serious subjects: picking on those who are weaker, the pressures of parents and teachers, and most importantly at that point in life, the pressures exerted by peers; while still adding enough levity to not bring the movie down too far. Thought provoking topics are placed right next to lines that will make you laugh. Yet, it is done in such a way as to not harm the intent or meaning of either side. There is a good balance of making the audience think and yet giving them enough room to not become uncomfortable and close themselves off.

Brian then asks the question I think any dork in this situation would have been wondering. What will happen on Monday? Will they still be friends? If I were Brian (who is probably the character that I identify with the most), I am not sure that I would have been thinking of these people in those terms yet, but I would have wanted to know if I would have gotten some sort of acknowledgement (a nod, a wave, a “hi,” something) once we were back at school. Claire, I feel is truthful, and says no, everything will go back to they way it was before. The rest of the kids start to get on her about that. But, I think that is more out of them not wanting to believe they would do that to another human being. They all recognize that it’s not morally right to do that to someone, but Claire points out that the social pressures of the cliques will most likely get to them.

Brian finally admits why he is in detention. He brought a flare gun to school and contemplated killing himself.

Allison admits she doesn’t even have to be there; but, she had nothing better to do.

See what I mean? Seriousness balanced by levity.

Anyway, Bender goes back to the closet. Claire convinces Brian to write the essay for everyone (a. not that it was a group project to begin with and b. not that his essay ends up being anywhere even close to 1000 words (2386* here so far)), makes Allison over (enough so that Andy notices and takes an interest in her), and goes to see Bender in the closet (he would be outstanding in the capacity of getting back at her parents).

They all leave for the end of the day. Andy and Allison say goodbye (she rips off one of his patches). Brian gets in the car with his dad (cameo by John Hughes). Claire gives Bender one of her diamond earrings.

We are left with a feeling of hope I think; I want to believe that we are. On Monday, will they really be back to the same-old same-old? Or, will they acknowledge one another? They may not be friends, but in the end there is hope for them.

Okay, so maybe I rushed it a bit at the end… but frankly this section needed to be finished. And anyway, you should go and see the movie. Put it on your Netflix queue.

Over all I give it 4.376 gobbles (a perfect score would be 5 gobbles). It would get more but, as I said in the beginning, no romance and I am a sucker for a romantical plot-line.

And done: 2586*.

*Update: I have changed the wording in a few areas, so these totals are no longer acurate... but they should still be pretty close, and they get the point across that I am a big DORK.